When a young lady, my reader, contacted me to seek advice on her divorce and re-marriage, my instant reply was “no”. I don’t want to be a party in any break-up in this world…
When she insisted to help her, my reply was: “I would be happy to be a part of “fix-up” or “trouble shoot.”
“Sir, please at least listen to me. You have been seeing life differently, but based on our Dharma, that’s why I contacted you. Otherwise I would have gone to any person…” she said.
“I am flattered…”I laughed and said: “But it doesn’t make any difference whether you flatter me or scold me. I do not encourage divorces…”
“Okay sir. Yeah, I want to fix-it-up. But please listen to my problem…”
I listened. The identity is not to be revealed so let’s call her Mridula.
Mridula hails from a very a decent, orthodox Brahmin family. That too vegetarian! (It is difficult to find sober vegetarians among Brahmins now). A family friend has brought a marriage proposal for her.
Her parents and relatives went to see the potential bridegroom. Her own words: “They found him as very ‘spiritual’ – they are not as good as our family in education and finance . Also, the sub-sect is slightly lower than us…” The family claimed that theywere in plantation business.
The most amazing thing is that the boy does “pooja” (spiritual practice) every day morning and evening for one hour! He is spending two hours in prayer room – something that is commendable in today’s busy world. Everybody in the house is great devotees and visit to all temples! The horoscope match was 90%!
When the boy came to see her, she was surprised to learn that he refused to drink even tea and coffee! What a sober character! Her parents offered him milk, to which he replied: “Cow milk is for calf, not for human beings…” What a great human being!!!
All fell for him and marriage did happen.
After marriage she came to know bitter and shocking truth. The boy is a heavy drunkard. “He gets up in the morning and takes bath. He then puts all those sandalwood paste marks everywhere in the body, and perform one hour pooja. After prayers, he doesn’t drink tea and coffee, instead he starts with Rum…” she started crying.”The first few larges are just like beer to them. And his father gives him fitting company…”
Of course, spirit won’t mix with milk; hence he refused on that day,
providing a great reasoning!
“What’s his profession/business?”
“He is just small time real estate brokers – had once got commission from a plantation owner…His mother and sister are totally immoral. They took away my jewels and ornaments and sold it…They eat anything that walks and crawls….”
“Hmmm…” I said. I understand that it was really shocking to Mridula who was born and brought up in a different culture.
“Didn’t you enquire about him before marriage?”
“Who will tell truth in today’s world?” she asked. She has a valid point there.
“Didn’t your family members talk to him?”
“My brother went to advise him. He convinced my brother about the ‘meaninglessness of life’ and my brother also started drinking alcohol…” It was very difficult for me to suppress a laugh. But I did as I knew it would hurt her more.
Mridula is very angy with God. More than frustration and depression, she can’t stop getting angry with God, who, she thinks cheated her. I understand her real issue. She believed in a popular misconception that those who believes in God are good and an atheist is bad. Here, something goes against her concept – ego, which increases the hurt and misery.
“How can a god-believer be so bad?”
“Ravana was an ardent devotee of Lord Shiv. Bin Laden and other Islamic terrorists are strong believers of Allah. St. Francis Xavier who derived pleasure in killing hundred thousands Brahmins in Goa was believer of Jesus Christ. Most of the supari killers (contract killer) go to Tirumala Tirupati temple after the heinous crime…If a person believes in god that doesn’t make him/her a good human being…I know lot of atheists, who follow more ethical, moral and human values than god-believers…”
“I would marry a god-fearing man after the divorce…” she said. (I was really surprised how today’s youngsters talk very casually about marriage, divorce and re-marriage!)
“God is not a cruel monster to be afraid of. Those ‘God fearing’ people will have more insecurity than the believers. They would develop more guilt and fear that are very dangerous at sub-conscious level…”
“Then what kind of man should I look for?”
“A man who sees the presence of god in everything…If he sees the divinity in you, he will respect you and love you…Otherwise he will consider you initially as Wonderful Instrument For Enjoyment (WIFE) and then after sometime as Worries Invited For Ever (WIFE)…”
“How to find a person who sees divine presence in everything?”
“He/she will care and share for fellow human beings…You would feel comfortable and get positive vibes from him.”
She thought for a while and asked: “What does God think of divorce and remarriage?”
“Probably you should ask that directly to god…A local call would do…” I said.
“Sir, seriously, Is there any divine rules or answers on this subject?”
“I do not know if God has made any comments on these aspects. The beauty of existence is that it is perishable and we will never ever come to know about any cosmic rules and regulations. People say many things and claim many things – their thoughts come to you as religions, god concepts, philosophy , divine commandments etc. You can accept or follow anything. But nothing is proven. Nothing is absolute. Nothing is permanent. Hence we cannot generalise any rules, answers and the truth!”
“Why is it like that?”
“Because every human being is a unique expression of the same cosmic energy. The answers would be different for different people. Just like our finger print, no two things can be similar, still everything is contained…”
“Hmm, I got the answer for my questions…”
“Really? What’s that?” I was eager this time.
“God doesn’t communicate directly – probably he doesn’t use mobile phones…”she laughed.
“And…”
“I have decided to divorce him and wait for a real human being…I understood why Goddess Parvati did so much penance to get Lord Shiv…A good person will come to our life when we see the existence of divine in everything…”
“That’s also not a general rule…”
“Yes sir, you have already told me that – there is no general rule, answers or truth…those three things differ from individual to individual…”
This incident doesn’t make a serious article. Still I thought of writing about this and sharing this post in my website.
By
Udaylal Pai
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