Divorce and Age Difference For Marriage

wedKaushik Chakraborty asked me to comment on the rise in divorce rates in India. I asked him what the reasons are.

He said:”The social scientists say women nowadays are financially independent and at par with men. So they are now open to the option of ending the relationship rather than to bear life-long abuses silently. Changes in life-style, westernization, rapid urbanization, awareness of various rights, consumerism etc has made a huge impact in India and divorce rates are increasing…”

“I cannot blame it on West. I have seen stronger marital relationships in the West. Otherwise, these findings must be true…” I said.

“But, I asked for your comments. You used to have different perspectives. So, I expected another set of analysis from you.” Kaushik said.

“The rate of divorce is high because hormones over-power intelligence. The credit for over production of hormones goes to new trends in food culture….” I said.

“That’s all?”

“So first culprit is food, I would say.”

“That’s an over simplification of the facts Sir”

“Ok, If you want, I can add two more reasons too for divorces. One – the conflict in concepts. Reflect on this: The media and market determine the life style, preferences and tastes for a vast majority of the young population. Those who are conditioned to float like a wood piece in the flowing river have taken such a superficial living for successful practical living (until and unless some roadblock or miseries happen). So there is no much deeper compassion to life. ”


“Now marriages are happening between two complicated concepts (developed by the marketing forces), two conditioned-mind or two egos. The conflict begins just after (sometimes even before) marriage and ends up in clash.”

“What’s the second reason?”

“Divorce becomes a thumb rule when men are from the realm of inferiority complex and women are from the planet known as arrogance…”

“What do you mean?”

“A male kid, born in a male chauvinistic society, takes all the privileges given to him as his birth right. He is made to believe that he is superior to the female kid. When he gets married, he won’t be able to tolerate if his wife outsmarts him – in terms of intelligence, profession and all walks of life. Most of the men thus develops inferiority complex. Every time somebody praises his wife, man takes it for questioning his manly-hood. (Not a generalization – we are discussing reasons for divorces)”

“Naturally. But how does a woman turn arrogant?”

“Her feelings could have been suppressed from childhood. When she gets a job (or becomes financially independent) the new found freedom gets into her head. Her ego coupled with the outburst of the suppressed emotions could pave path to arrogance. And the market force helps her to inflate ego and arrogance. She would definitely realize the truth after sometime, then, it would be too late…”

“It appears true, but how can we prevent such divorces?”

“Nobody can prevent the inevitable. We forgot to teach our kids ethics, tolerance and humanity. Instead, we taught them how to compete in life, how to beat others and how to be successful. So, they beat all, including us…By the way, what’s your interest in divorce? Are you planning one?”

“Sir, I have a daughter growing up and I am worried seeing such alarming trends in India. What can I do to protect her, if it is an arranged marriage?” he asked.

“You may find a good boy who is 5-10 years elder than her. So the chances of divorce would be lesser” I said.

“What?” he appeared shocked, and then told me:”Isn’t it a blunt statement from your part?”

“No. The male should be at least 5 to 10 years elder than the female. There are lot of mental, physical and biological reasons for this – find those reasons. You know, a girl gets matured faster than a boy. In case of same aged couple, what will happen? Just look at 50 years old man and woman. When the woman starts bhajans (turn spiritual) at home, the man would still be worried about the testosterone content produced in his body. Sex is not everything – but it has its own role to play in a successful married life…”

“So I have to search for a boy who is 5 to 10 years elder than my daughter…”

“You better be. Just have a look at the boy’s parents and uncle/aunts. After few years the boy will also be looking like them – he may have the same weakness and strength. And imagine how your daughter would be at that age, taking a cue from looking at your wife or sisters… And then reflect on their respective age…Do I have to explain more?”

“You know Uday Sir, sometimes you are unorthodox and illogical” he said.

“Kaushikji, being logical is a very relative term. Logic = something that satisfies the conditioned mind. Since people are differently conditioned, it becomes a relative issue. Please do not insist logic for everything in life. Who told you I am an orthodox person? I am not responsible for your concepts…”

Udaylal Pai
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