My Wife Doesn’t Obey me, Not Even Listening to Me!

“Udayji, I am facing a tough and terrible situation in my life now. My wife is not obeying me, not even listening to me….”a WhatsApp message from Ramprasad Iyengar, who is said to be a follower of my website.

I couldn’t help laughing. But it wass a serious, life-and-death issue for him.

“Are you living in Middle East? Are you an Arab?” I asked.


“I heard that Arabs treat their wives as slaves who should do nothing but obey them…”

“No Udayji, I am in Chennai. I am a Hindu Brahmin!”

“Oh, really? Is there any rules among ‘Hindu Brahmins’ that wife should obey her husband?”

“According to Indian culture, a wife should be like Sati-Savitri and obey the husband, right? She should fulfill my dreams, aspirations and take care of my children, right?”

“Oh, is it? I didn’t know that. Is she a working-woman?” I asked him.

“Yes. She works as a senior engineer in a private firm.”

“Did you ever talk to her about her job? Did you ask the pressure and stress she faces in office place, work place, trouble in travel?”

“Udayji, in this fast-paced life, where is the time for all those things?”

“What do you do after your office hours?”

“After a tiring day, I just relax in my sofa-cushion and watch TV at home…”

“And she?”

“Oh, just like any other housewife, she would prepare food, clean utensils, and take care of children and their homework. Females are not interested in politics and news, you know?”

“So, when she is totally tired and retiring to bed, you go there after watching your favourite programs with uplifted hormone gush, right?”

“Udayji, you are being very blunt and sarcastic…you don’t understand my problems”

“Of course, I don’t. At a time when she seeks complete rest, you might want her to yield to your needs…”

“That’s not always true…I try to adjust with her…”

“No – marriage is not about adjustments. Adjustment is a commercial word. This is about emotional strings in family bondage. Please don’t go for adjustments”


“Accommodation is the right word. Accommodate each other as is. Did you ever try to understand her perspective and viewpoints and accommodate her with your whole heart?….

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2 Responses

  1. Veeramani says:

    Solution to the problem is well articulated, easily understood. Thanks udayalal. Personally, it helped me to solve my problems..

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