Don’t Help Others, It Could Hard Hit on You!
“I have been helping people in my life. I have been doing a lot of Dhana (donating with generosity). But Uday Sir, my experiences had been very negative – people are ungrateful, unfair and some of them even cheated me. There is no good in helping others, it will always bounce hard on you” A message from a reader.
“Why do you help others? Usually, people help or donate money for multiple reasons like – out of sympathy or to get rewards, fame or religious reasons.”
“First reason was sympathy…”
“Sympathy is an outburst of feelings of pity and sorrow for someone’s misfortune. Mostly sympathy works as almost a fake emotion in disguise to satisfy one’s ego. Sympathizing means comparing yourself to them. Indirectly you are thinking that you’re in a better place. It is a show of pity. Do you want others to pitty on you?”
“No, I want self-respect, not pity…”
“So, don’t do anything out of sympathy (Daya), which is a half-cocked excuse of an emotion. But help people out of empathy. Our ancestors called it Krupa. “
“I really don’t understand the difference between both…”
“Sympathy’ observes, empathy motivates. Sympathy never uplifts the victim, empathy does.”
“I still don’t understand”
“Daya is mercy, favor, or pity – any self-respecting person will turn it down. But Krupa is grace, mercy, or hearty blessing. Pity is external, you can pity someone and even give him/her some money but mercy is different. Mercy is internal.”
“Can you give an example?”
“When someone is at loss, you would say with sympathy: ‘I feel sorry for your loss. And if you need something call me and I can even send some money. But the empathy would say: ‘I can feel myself in your shoes. And I’m going to stay by your side till you emerge from this storm of life.’ It would motivate the person.”
“If a person helps others to get the reward of good karma or name?”
“When you say to get a reward (in future or after death) or fame, it is kind of a business deal. So it was not a selfless help, rather a deal. Naturally, any business deal can incur loss too. When you don’t get rewards (as expected) for your investment (help), it means you have incurred loss, that’s all. Nature does donate to us the most important things in life – air and water. How are we rewarding nature?” I stopped for a moment and asked: So, are you helping others expecting rewards?”
“No-no, I am not like that…I have religious reasons” he suddenly said.
“Well, religious reasons mean you believe in something that is not scientifically verified. Hindus think that if one pays money to priests or donates to the temple, God blesses them. But are you making sure that your money is used for Dharmic purposes? When your Dhana goes to a greedy priest or when temple management uses it for corruption, aren’t you become a part of Adharma? If you are a Muslim, you do Zakat – but we have seen the money is also used by Jihadists or Islamic terrorists. Similarly, Church donations are mostly used for conversion business and building huge establishments to spread religion. None of them use the money for humanist activities or to save the planet. So, what reward would you expect for the Adharma you’re doing? The cosmos itself is Brahmam, what’s your contribution towards it?”
“Hmm. So, I am correct, I should stop helping others…”
“No. We should share whatever you have. Our ancestors taught us a different sort of help. They said, “Manava Seva is Madhava Seva”, “Loka Seva is Lokesa Seva”, “Jana Seva is Janardhana Seva”, “Jiva Seva is Deva Seva” – each one highlighting the idea that the service rendered to humanity is worship offered to God. They said When you help a person, do it with gratitude that you’ve got an opportunity to help. The happiness you get at that moment is your biggest reward. Our ancestors said that existence works differently. It won’t reward you the same way you expect. So, do continue your good Karma, that’s helping others, with happiness and without expecting rewards. If you expect something out of it, other than happiness then, your help doesn’t help.”
“So, how should we help others?”
“I can’t advise you. It’s up to you to decide.”
“How do you do such service? You wrote that the most precious thing in your life is time and you spend time with those needy people. How do you manage the ingratitude?”
“I do Manav Seva for myself. I don’t spend time out of sympathy. I don’t expect any rewards – I am just paying back to the existence. When I help others, I help myself only. I am gaining precious experience by caring and sharing.”
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