The angry young woman
“Sir, I am a working woman. I am facing a miserable life condition due to my anger and irritation. I have to cook food for my two school-going children, my husband, and his parents. No one is here to help me in the morning chore. Even the servant woman comes late when I finish all my work. When I am busy in the kitchen my in-laws also get up and ask for coffee. Kids won’t listen to me and not properly organized. My husband also pressurizes me while I work. I leave the house at around 8.30 AM on the company bus. Some male co-workers make an advance to me while traveling and in the office, it’s also totally irritating. My boss is also a mean person, unnecessarily pressurize me. Many times I feel like a pressure cooker about to burst from inside. I am not able to cope up with this. When I read a few articles on your website, I felt like you can help me. Please spend a few minutes addressing this issue, Sir. How to manage my anger and irritation?” a pretty long question from a reader.
It is normal for people to get angry. But if it persists more than 30 seconds, it will turn into a disease.
Our ancestors, especially Krishna, said: “From anger arises delusion, from delusion, comes memory-loss, from loss of memory, the intellect is destroyed. When the intellect destroyed means loss of reason (lack of discrimination) which ruins a person!” (Gita).
Science says anger is a chemical reaction of hormones and neurotransmitters. It triggers increased platelet activation and thrombosis, increases vulnerability to illnesses, compromises the immune system. The results are very dangerous.
So, somehow we have to manage anger. If your anger sustains, it becomes the biggest and severe mental disease. Then you need help from psychologists or counselors or doctors.
How do we get angry? When someone or something acts or say NOT according to our expectation. Or when our desire is not met. All waves of anger come under this category. However, there are other deep-rooted psychological reasons like suppression of sadness in childhood and hurt of ego or created reasons like pushing everything to the last moment. That we have to look into separately. This answer is for the questioner.
“Somehow, you have to manage anger. I know it is not easy when you live life like a pressure cooker…”I said.
“Are there any sadhanas, kriyas to prevent or manage anger?”
“Yes, but it works like a vaccine to prevent disease. Here, you already have the disease.”
“What to do then?” she asked.
1. When you get angry, physically move away from the place you’re standing or sitting. Take ten steps.
2. Change the work you have been doing – from cutting vegetables to washing clothes, maybe.
3. Consciously change the thought pattern – think of a pleasant or happy moment in the past. See a comedy program. Listen to melody – anything to deviate your thoughts.
4. Write down your thoughts, feelings, and activities during the anger. The next day, when you get time, read it to yourself. This is the only way to reach the subconscious mind and convince it that anger is not good.
5. When you get angry at your child, for instance, when he has broken a glass worth Rs 20, compare values. Is your child’s worth less than Rs 20? Respond or advise him after some time, when you cool down.
6. Everyone has a limitation. Do the work within your limits only and don’t overstretch. Tell your husband or in-laws clearly that this is as much as you can work. I need help from you. Everyone needs to work in a family and share it accordingly. No work is confined to wife or husband.
7. Our ancestors warned us against “Prati kriya” (react) and advised us to follow “Anu Kriya” (respond). Prati means against or in opposition with. An action against something is a reaction. Anu means after, along with or further. Kriya means just action. So both words include action which is needed in every situation. It’s not the situation, but whether we react (negative) or respond (positive) to the important situation. As you know life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. It’s about what you do with what happens. Many times, a strong, discouraging look at your co-worker might stop them.
8. Usually, we get angry at people whom we think lesser than us or to those whom we think we have dominance over. For instance, you can cook a good dish but your son can’t. That doesn’t mean son is lesser than you. Please understand that everyone has some unique talents that are better than you.
9. Switch off your mobile or turn it into airplane mode (if you are listening to music). Never ever respond to SMS or WhatsApp messages or even voice calls when you are angry.
10. Lastly, begin a long term plan, that would work as a vaccine later – it includes, exercise, sattvic food, dhyana, pranayama, yoga, etc. It would bring you back to a healthy condition – physically and mentally.
This message comes from Udaylal Pai’s WhatsApp Broadcast List – articles/blogs/answers. If anyone wants to join the list: (1) Save/add the number “+91-94475-33409” in your phone by creating a new contact (2) Then just send ONLY your name through your WhatsApp: +91-94475-33409. The broadcast will happen ONLY IF the sender’s number is saved in the contact list of the receiver.