Marriage Compatibility and Horoscope Matching
A message from a reader: “Uday sir, is horoscope match mandatory in Hindu Marriage? What does our Dharma instruct on marriage compatibility? What’s your personal opinion and experience?”
Horoscope matching has nothing to do with Sanatan Dharma. As a matter of fact, it is against the basic concepts and principles of Vedas and Puranas. No authentic Vedic or Puranic scripture mention about horoscope matching for marriage. But millions of people follow that as a belief. We have to respect other’s beliefs. I have written many articles about this.
According to our Dharma, we should check eight-point compatibility in a traditional marriage. I have explained all these points in many of my old articles. Here is a gist:
- Gothram or Kulam. It means cultural background and traditional compatibility. If people marry from different culture, differences can pop up. Hindus follow Gothram (ancestral lineage) too. Same Gothram may be blood-related which can lead to genetical problems too.
2.Roopam = body shape and its compatibility. Keep in mind that the differences between a short with tallest or dark with fair may lead to problems in the future. There are exceptions to this, but experienced people say it is important.
3. Manam – Mental attitude. Some people have excessive proud and ego. Some people are humble and down-to-earth. It also tells about mental diseases. Check if anyone has sickness related to mind in the family, the children may inherit it.
4. Seelam: The compatibility of interests and hobbies. You don’t need an explanation
5. Prayam = age. There should be adequate age-difference between man and women. Generally, females get matured faster than male. Usually, a female’s sexual orientation would last till 50s but for a male, his libido can sustain till 60+s. Biologically, humans are animals. I have seen many women in 50s turn into “Bhakti Marga” while husbands in the same age need more than just Bhajans. According to many Purana inferences, a healthy age gap of a minimum of five years is preferable.
6. Arogyam – health, of course, this is a very important aspect. Everyone knows it.
7. Vidya – academic qualification. It would be better if a girl marrying a boy who is more educated than her. Otherwise, in a male-chauvinistic society like India, the husband may end up with inferiority complex at a later stage and can lead to issues.
8. Vittham – FInancial background is also very important, but it is the last one on the list.
In olden days it was possible to check all eight-points. For, the marriages used to happen within the radius of 100 kms. Now that, the world turned out to be a global village, it is difficult to check and verify all these points.
My personal experience? Last week, a gentleman called me over the phone with a marriage proposal for my daughter. I asked him about the boy’s education, profession, and gotra. He explained everything very politely. Nice family, I thought. Then he said: “Paimam, I already have checked your family background and saw your daughter once in the temple. We have high regards to your family and liked your daughter very much, that’s why I approached you…”
“Thank you, sir,” I said. Then suddenly he asked me to check if the horoscope is matching. I told him: “Sir, I don’t believe in horoscopes matching, but I do respect your beliefs. So, you may please check and let us know…”
Yesterday, he called and said regretfully that it is not matching. I wished the best for his son and ended up the conversation. Horoscope matching is a recently developed social tradition in our community. When one has to marry in a traditional way from the same community ( as per the wishes of their grandparents both sides or for any other reasons) there could be many limitations. We may have to yield to many such non-sensical stupid things then. It’s a social order people follow. It also reduces the number of choices.
Many good marriages are not happening due to “horrorscope”! There has been a karmic reaction in many communities now – in a recent get-together meeting held on behalf of the temple in Ernakulam, there were ONLY about 100 brides for nearly700 boys. Such disproportionate things could happen when you don’t follow Dharma. Still, the communities won’t learn its lesson!