Love and Marriage – An Indian Perspective
I have a friend. His sister was doing her post graduation while she fell in love with a class-mate. They claimed their love is eternal, spiritual (and they use some newly-coined heavy words to describe their love) and finally they decided to marry.
One day the boy backed out reasoning that his parents are not willing for the marriage. The girl’s life turned to be a hell – she became very traumatized and highly depressed. Her brother, my friend, came to me for help.
He knew that boy’s parents had some past obligation towards me. So he thought, I would be able to persuade the boy’s parents into marriage. I talked to the boy’s parents. “Sir, we didn’t know about his love affair with that girl. We would have been really happy if he gets that girl. We know hers’ is a very reputed family…” said his parents.
This was a shock to me. Then, why did the boy put the blame on his parents? I called him to my place and had a brief talk with him. He appeared very sober and normal.
His reaction: “Yeah I loved her. I trulyloved her. She came to the hotel room and we had nice time together. But this clearly shows her attitude. She has hot pants or such tendency – so how can I marry her? We can have fun with such girls – but marriage? NO. It is a serious thing in life…”
“But, what about her life?” I asked him, “She also has a life, right? Why did she come to the hotel room? Because she she loved you and trusted you. Are you not ashamed to cheat her this way? You don’t have a sister, that’s why you don’t realize the pain…” I said angrily.
The boy was very cool and sober. He asked me: “Sir, you are telling absolute truth. Didn’t she cheat her parents and her social morality? And you mean to say, I am the only person who enjoyed those times? And she didn’t? We have equal responsibility for what has happened. And now, I cannot trust her. I wish her good luck.” Then he warned me: “If you people use your power to forcefully make me marry to her, both of our life would be like hell. Do you want to destroy my life too?”
– He was very adamant. He doesn’t want to marry her anymore. So he used his parents as an excuse to break the relationship. There is no point in talking to his parents. Since he is a male child, his parents will also (quite normal for Indian parents) dance to his tunes.
Had she resisted going bed with him this boy would have definitely married her. Though she had gone bed with others in the past, but resisted to him, he would have thought that she is a pure girl and would marry to her. Strange state of mind, isn’t it?
– I was in a dilemma. How can I inform my friend that his sister has gone to bed with that boy? For him, pre-marital sex is a totally immoral thing. It is sin. He doesn’t belong to the new cult of a generation and their life-style based on the extra-hormones that come from junk food.
I talked to this girl. She didn’t believe me. She said that boy is so innocent that he wouldn’t even think like that. But I found that she was not so naïve. The trust and love she projects can be a manipulative mechanism of mind. I found that there was no true love in her. It could have been an infactuation mistaken for love or blind attraction, possibly on a body level. She has been seeing quite lot of TV serials and thought a life without a boy-friend was not fashionable.
I couldn’t do anything here, so I left it at that. But I told her – throw this incident away from your mind. Root it out this from your sub-conscious and wash yourself with Dettol or any other anti-septic. Otherwise this is going to bleed more.
“You will develop guilty consciousness that is more dangerous that the mistake that you committed. Regretting about past is also dangerous at mind-lvel. Whatever things you suppress will come out in different forms in different dimensions. So the best thing you can do is go to deeper meditation, and erase this incident from the memory…”
And after a long time-period of trauma and depression, her parents got her married to another man. I am sure, the moment the man comes to know about her past affair, her life will be finished; even though the husband’s past might have been similar to that of the boy I talked to.
Is it a man’s world out there? That a man can go to anything. The number of of girls in his life will become feathers in his cap. But a female should not even think about another man before marriage. It’s lopsided, but true.
– If you think modern men are broad-minded, you have got it all wrong.
Girls, listen, if you don’t know… If the man comes to know about your love affair in the previous births too, he would feel discomfort. He will be revengeful too. And you can’t blame him. The social inputs that fed his brain are so strong. (I know there are lot of girls who are real freaks and “enjoy” life like boys – I am talking about naive, innocent girls)
This psyche is deep rooted in our society. During my college days, one of my friends used to tell me: “Hmm, my dad was a real casanova before his marriage. He had lot of affairs and I won’t be amused if I see somebody who looks similar to me in other places too”
But talk about their mom, “She was a Sathi-Savithri” (Purest form of females)
It sure is an unfair world. Why do we need hypocicy when it comes to love and marriage?
Today’s generation accept live-in relationships, physical relationship and pre-marital sex. But when it comes to marriage, boys will change the tune.
– This is a warning for our girls – if you date with a man before marriage and then go bed with him, he is NEVER going to marry you, come what may.
But this is not the point that I would want to discuss with you.
I always wonder – why do love marriages or love-relationships fail? After a long investigation and experience I found the one single answer for this – there was no love at all.
Psychologists may say this is very complex and my answer is not correct. I agree with their view point based on their knowledge of psychology. But we cannot explain most of the things in life in a scientific way.
The moment I think about my love, I feel eternal happiness. I feel at peace, at once. Love is life long – even in my death-bed, I would be happy thinking of my love. I always know love is very romantic.
(Please do not mix the term “romance” with “romantic” – both are different in meaning. Check dictionary.)
Please tell me, how many of you feel such things? You might feel it now or at a point of time in the past or future. But do you feel the same warmth and eternal peace when you think about the love you had? Is it ever –lasting for you? Ask yourself.
I have heard girls saying these things:
“I am crazy about him”
Crazy means nuts. May have attracted like a magnet. But where is love?
“I fell in love instantaneously”
Shouldn’t fall. It’s an accident. Especially when it happens instantaneously. You should elevate in love, right?
“Our love is eternal…it is not like others, I cannot explain…”
In that case, why do you break up?
“We are madly in love and got married”
A good reason in the divorce court. You can still claim the madness.
The rate of divorce cases is alarmingly high now. Social scientists say – this is because, now-a-days females are financially independent and earning, so they don’t want to surrender to males – hence divorce happens. This explanation appears very logical.
But the moot question is that, was there the love? If it was love, then why did it break?
I have talked to lot of divorced couple. I have done an unofficial study – I divided them into two categories – love marriages and arranged marriages. I have not found any major differences in both categories in terms of divorce.
But I have not seen a single couple who are perfectly happy or ever loving each other. That was really shocking. “Happily ever after” is a myth.
When I talked to young gals and boys, though most of them (especially gals) say love is something like “soul searching”, “spiritual” or “divine” (as I said, I don’t know some of those very heavy words they use)
If you go deeper into this, they have nothing, but physical attraction and feelings created by sexual hormones inside the body. Those feelings may have come in disguise, as the person who experience may not feel it as is. Thoughts can always deceive you, right? This is the greatest manipulation of mind. It won’t allow you to experience the real love. (This is part of my research and I shall explain later sometime. Nobody can experience love if his/her mind is active)
And they have termed a beautiful phrase for the sexual act that they do before or after marriage: It is known as “love making”.
I am not an oldie-song buff. I really don’t spend more time on old movies or old songs. But I have seen movies of Raj Kapoor (Hindi) or Raj Kumar (Kannada) and Prem Nazir (Malayalm) in TV channels.
The love scenes acted by them, though monotonously slow, are worth watching – as it depicts a cultural thought-wave during their period. Next time, please try to watch old duet songs – it is really funny – they touch each other as if they touch a flower, not to hurt. The lyrics are flowery with literature. Watching those scenes would be funny, but it will not create a nasty and aggressive mood in you.
When I watch the “lyric-less noise making” songs that comes in today’s movies – I could see the difference. The couple acts like a involving in a fore-play before having a physical exercise (oh, sorry…”love making”). They lick, bite and jump. They do belly-dance, arousal movements and g-string stripping. In one such seen I have seen the hero licking some part of the heroine. They call all these “love”
There would be lot of extra girls jumping and doing acrobatics around the couples (the number of girls depends upon the investment in the movie). Those females will have bare minimum clothes wrapped around them. In short, you can see lot of sexual abuse and violence in the name of love.
Critics say this is western culture. But it is not. West has a decent culture. Don’t blame it on to the Westerners. Without understanding the truth, we imitate an ugly part of western life-style – imitating west won’t make us westerners. And it just makes us half-baked duplicates.
– Here is the relevance of the incident I mentioned earlier.. In the west, they don’t marry before dating. In India, it is the other way around. I have not yet seen any Indian man who married a girl who gone bed with him before marriage. And even if you argue with some rare instances, I am sure that it won’t last for long.
So what do you mean by love?
– Is it purely physical action or exercise to satisfy either ego or hormones’ call? Just using heavy words like “eternal” “soul” “different” or “intense” makes it right? I don’t know. Our psyche is not yet ready for this, though we blindly imitate a part of western culture.
Because, in our deep sub-conscious, we know that this is not love, though we are in a denial state.
You may ask what authority do I have write about love. What the bloody view point that you try to talk on us, we free-thinkers?
But, I can make a claim – because I have experienced the real cosmic love in my life. That was the boon given to me by the cosmic energy that is known as GOD. The true love is eternal = that makes you live in peace and happiness. It is a harmony between you and the cosmic.
– We also have to learn about what our ancestors have taught us about the love.. This ia a land of eternal love –
The real symbol of love that’s eternal and in tune with cosmic was that of Radha and Krishna. Have you ever read that?
– Have you ever heard of Usha-Anirudh, Kacha-Devayani, Sati-Shiv, Satyavan-Savitri and ofcourse, Meera-Krishna…if you don’t know please try to read the stories from our own ancestors. Then, of course, you can think about Romeo and Juliet or Titanic love stories and Valentine day.
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