A friend who is a bank manager called me last night. He said: “My daughter has fallen in love with a Christian boy and married him without my knowledge or consent. She is been converted to Christianity…”
This was a big shock for him. He was upset and depressed. He was seeking help and support from all his friends.
A very sad and helpless state for a father. My relatives too say that our caste girls elope with boys in other caste/religion (or Vice versa). They won’t understand the extent of hurt happening to the parents until and unless they become parents. And then, it would be too late. I have seen many people (males and females) crying and regretting now for disobeying their parents then. It is a cycle and there will be come back.
I talked to him for some time, similar to the lines I have written articles in my website. I can relate and empathize this situation very well as I also have three daughters growing up. I was able to give him bit solace.
Just be objective and reflect on this incident – I am NOT talking about merits and demerits of inter-caste/religion marriage. Just reflects on the incident.
There are three separate issues here 1. His daughter has fallen in love 2.She has married a boy without his consent 3. She has got converted to another religion. What would be the main problem that is affecting the parents?
“All three…” the bank manager said. Most of us have same view.
No.1. She has fallen in love – there is nothing wrong in love… I place love above the place of god, if it is REAL love. Unfortunately kids have various concepts of love based on their conditioning. Concepts cannot be love. In real love there is NO hurt. Here, her parents got hurt, so there was NO love. And love has NOTHING to do with sex and marriage. (I am not elaborating on this. See my article “Love, Sex and Marriage – Indian Style” http://udaypai.in/?p=260 )
No.2. She has married without parents’ consent. She is above 18 and according to the laws of the country she doesn’t need father’s consent to marry. She gives more value to the boy than her parents. She may not need blessings and grace of parents.
No. 3. She is converted to another religion. This happens not because she knows anything about that religion or about her own religion. Nobody can convert a person who really UNDERSTANDS Sanatan Dharma. The ground reality is that, in case of an inter-religion marriage, the couple cannot survive in Indian society without a religion. So, easiest way is to convert into Semitic religions that happily would welcome conversions. After sometime, when the initial charms disappears, chances are more than 99% that her life may turn into living hell… (It will be too late even to regret)
So what’s the real issue here? If we think this incident is bad, then who is to blame if our son or daughter goes behind a spouse from another other religions or caste? The answer is, mostly, the parents.
This bank manager was living near to my residence for some time. I have been to his house. He considers himself as modern and practical. He claims to be Brahmin, but was proud that his daughter eats non vegetarian food – “Oh, without chicken or mutton she won’t have her lunch”. He was excited that she wears fashion dress. He is happy that she doesn’t tilak (bindhi) on her forehead. “While in Rome live like Romans” he said. He encouraged her being fashionable and “socializing” with all.
And he is so cosmopolitan that he followed this policy: “all religions are same and lead to same goal” (This is a FALSE, according to my view). So she didn’t find any difference between her culture and that of another religion/caste. (I am not saying one is good and another is bad, it is just different)
If you want your daughter/son to get married to the same caste or culture, you should imbibe and inculcate it in your children. Instead, you encourage alien culture which is very easy to follow. So, what’s the point in crying foul later?
One more thing – this bank manager was very calculative about future. “Success in life is everything. Making money and becoming big in profession are the most important things in life.” He has been doing some poojas in home – but he taught his kids that it was done for getting more money. He taught his kids to go temple and pray for the benefits like high marks in exam, better jobs etc. So kids felt that god is a barter man or broker for miracles. He believed that he can plan the life the way he makes a profit loss account. (Please read “Do you feel Insecure?” http://udaypai.in/?p=309 )
I am not saying anything wrong in being modern and practical. Then, we shouldn’t feel shocked when our children also become so. If we don’t learn and follow a particular culture, how can we blame our children who are totally ignorant about it?
However, even if you teach your kids all about the culture and so-called spirituality you cannot be sure about the future – still such incident can happen, but chances are remote. Ain’t it?
© Uday Lal Pai. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing at firstname.lastname@example.org